Why do people divorce?

People decide to get divorce for many different reasons, and there is a lack of research as to why partners end their marriages.  Although there is not one definitive reason why marriages end below you can find some of the more common reasons couples decide to split:

 Lack of compatibility:

Many couples have different values when it comes to parenting, religion, or even political views. There could also be a lack of common interests in the relationship which could leave both partners in the relationship feeling bored.

• Incompatible differences: This can refer to different parenting styles, goals and attitudes towards life, or money which can cause partners to turn to others outside of the marriage for friendship.
• Money: Many couples have different ways that they handle money, which can result in arguments with conflicting viewpoints on earning, spending, saving, and sharing money.
• Lack of communication: Couples may feel like they cannot or have a difficult time communicating with one another which can lead to unproductive arguments, which can often mask underlying problems that couples are avoiding talking about
• Conflict: Frequently fighting can be exhausting and toxic to a marriage. Couples often argue about the same things over and over without resolution.
• Infidelity: When one of the partners in a relationship has an affair, it can cut a deep wound into that relationship. While people can heal from this depends on the partner’s willingness to work hard to repair the relationship, trust the other partner, and ultimately forgive them.
• Lack of intimacy: Couples may complain that there is not enough sex, or that there are sexual dysfunctions such as a low libido, or lack of attraction which can result in problems in and outside of the bedroom.
• Getting Married too young: Many people looking to get divorced often report getting married too young and that they were not ready for a long-term commitment. Others may say that they got married for the wrong reasons.
• Abuse: People may reach the point of getting a divorce when the abuse becomes intolerable if it is safe to leave the violent situation.
• Addiction: An addict’s relationship with their addiction may be stronger than with their spouse. If the addict refuses treatment or frequently relapses the relationship becomes unstable and often divorce follows.

Research has shown that by the time couples seek marital counseling it is often too late. Counseling should not be used as a last effort to try and save the relationship. Counseling is much more beneficial when signs of trouble appear to seek treatment immediately.  If you and your spouse are willing to invest in the relationship problems can be talked about and often resolved.

What is Divorce Counseling?

Sometimes couples go to counseling when they are trying to save a marriage however if the decision to divorce has already been made, it could still be a good idea to visit with a couple’s counselor to participate in divorce counseling. While you may have never heard of divorce counseling, it can be a useful tool to help the couple transition through the divorce. There are lots of emotions that you and your partner will experience while going through a divorce and will likely need support through this process. It can be beneficial to people who have started families together who need help learning to co-parent after the divorce. Overall divorce counseling can help people process all the emotional, legal, and logistical changes associated with the process of a divorce.

Pre and Post Divorce Counseling

Some couples may choose to use pre-divorce counseling as a way to finalize their decision to divorce.This type of counseling can help you learn to effectively communicate with your partner, and also help the two of you decide if you want or need a divorce. Pre-divorce counseling can be beneficial as they can help address divorce related parenting issues, identify and address conflict, and divorce-related emotions, and teach healthy coping strategies during this challenging experience.

A divorce can certainly disrupt one’s life and can trigger many emotions. Post divorce counseling can help guide you through the aftermath of a divorce. Counselors can help work with you to improve self-esteem, self-confidence and help you to accept reality and make the most out of your new life. While there may still be some residual feelings toward an ex working with your counselor can help you work through these feelings, and work with you toward re-discovering your identity post-divorce.

How will I know if I need divorce counseling?

Most people are able to navigate successfully through a divorce by themselves however, making the decision to end a marriage can come with an overwhelming amount of uncertainty and emotions. Divorce is a major life change that can affect all aspects of your life. Seeking divorce counseling can be an important step in self-care if the pain of the divorce becomes too much for you to handle on your own. If you are still unsure if divorce counseling is right for you below you can find some signs that you should consider when seeking divorce counseling:

Additional Resources 

Blog – Dating After Divorce

Blog – Co-Parenting After a Divorce